I haven’t posted the last two weeks and the only reason I can give is that I did not know what to write about. Actually, allow me to rephrase that: I was unsure of what to write about because there is so much to say, but much of it would be inappropriate for this blog. A lot of what I have been doing is learning, reading and listening to various commentators and researching different issues. I realized that I was ignorant concerning so many topics, so the best thing to do is to listen to those who are more knowledgeable, read books and journals, and look into library databases to figure out answers to different questions.
I am terrified of sharing opinions, not because I cannot handle criticism, but because people can get so offended that they become angry and vindictive. But I have decided to speak out a little bit more and talk about things with people that I was afraid to before. However, much of this deals with politics and I do not want to turn this blog into a warzone of political fire. So I will instead figure out another way to share those ideas.
One thing I have been doing is working on Book One of my novel (which I have sketched out in several parts, which would make it a series of sorts). I am about a third of the way through, nearly done with chapter five and I have exciting plans for the rest of the plot.
I have finished the song I have been writing, which I haven’t played or sung in front of anyone yet, but I am hoping to be able to have a couple of friends listen this week. I wrote out the themes of the song on staff paper, and with that I will work on fleshing out an entire piano score. The melody came to me a couple of months ago and I finally got myself to finish the lyrics. I will hopefully record it on my phone and maybe share the best version I make on social media. That’s a terrifying thought.
I have also been working on some other music as well. Right now I am trying to nail the ‘Baba Yaga’ movement from Mussorgsky’s “Pictures at an Exhibition” and even a little bit of ‘The Market at Limoges’ which is a challenge. Some other pieces I aspire to learn in full are Chopin’s B-flat minor Scherzo, Liszt’s Liebestraum, and I would like to relearn an intermezzo by Brahms which I played in college.
I haven’t drawn as much these last couple of weeks. I really have been engrossed in learning about so many important issues while becoming terrified of the possible outcomes of the future, but all that aside, I plan on finishing Book One in the next couple of months for sure. I really hope that at least someone likes it, though I am a bit diffident despite my writing enthusiasm.
I have had little problems with my mental health other than continuing anxiety, but I know I can find a way to cope with it. On my War of the Brain blog I have posted about anxiety a few different times. I also realized that I should never define myself as mentally ill or by my diagnosis, but rather accept my difficulties and relate to them rather than identify as them. That has been important in my process of coping.
I have plans for so many writing and research projects that it is hard to stay focused. My mind has a tendency to try and go off in ten different directions and I get overwhelmed and end up bouncing from idea to idea. It is why I have had to put my memoir and novella on hold for the sake of writing my novel and bringing it to completion. Right now I am reading The Wheel of Time, a book on the Crusades, a comprehensive encyclopedia published by the New York Times (about to read about the history of art), and I am going to begin reading an Orwell novel (1984) tomorrow. I cannot believe I have not read that one yet!
So there’s a lot of chaos in my mind right now and so much energy, which makes it impossible to stop smoking since I tend to smoke when I am thinking obsessively. I am trying to stay positive about finances, though they are undoubtedly stressful. The way I see it, as long as I have my computer with which to write my novel I will be happy.
That has been me the last two weeks, a bit all over the place. But I’m embracing it with joie de vivre!
This coming Friday I will try and pick a single topic and discuss it from my perspective. I just wanted to give an update as to what I have been up to.